


The Memory of You

by doodlewritings



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Death, Drama & Romance, Emotional, Emotional Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Illnesses, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Junkertown reference, Junkmetra, Kissing, Love, POV First Person, Sad, Symmrat, Tension, Terminal Illnesses, has some heartwarming scenes, prepare for an emotional ride, radiation, sick
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-18
Updated: 2018-01-18
Packaged: 2019-03-06 00:19:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13399398
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doodlewritings/pseuds/doodlewritings
Summary: The Outback was harsh towards the Junkers-everyone knew of this.  I guess….I guess we didn’t want to dawn on it too much in fear of what the knowledge would do to us.We knew the moment he joined Overwatch. We knew the moment Roadhog told us the history of Junkertown. We knew when Junkrat began to become distant. We knew when Junkrat began to cough and wheeze on missions.We just didn’t want to accept it.Junkrat was dying and I couldn’t bare myself to accept it.-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Symmetra reflects on Junkrat and the memories she had of him.





	The Memory of You

I count to three.... 

I clear my throat as I pull the covers of my bed closer to my chest. The pillows behind me cushion my back as I grip a book in my hands. Just count to three and read. The words on the page become more difficult to read as the letters seem to morph together somehow. Mercy has told me reading helps. It has, but I find that reflecting on him helps the most…

~

“Alright, just tell me when! I hate waiting!” Junkrat shouted as he readied himself on a landmine in the practice range. Roadhog groaned from behind, letting out a small ‘idiot’, holding the detonator in his large hands. “Now?!” Junkrat cackled again before letting out a frustrated smile while turning around to face Roadhog. “Oi, now what’s the big problem? I wanna see how far you can make me go!”

“Not ready.” Roadhog mumbled as Junkrat scowled. 

“Well how long does it take to-“ Junkrat began before the mine set him off into the air. Junkrat screamed in shock and then delight. Roadhog laughed. For a while, Junkrat soared through the air only to land directly under my feet a few seconds later as fire singed the tips of his hair. He grinned sheepishly back and I remember scowling at him that day. 

“Junkrat-“

“Symm.” Junkrat smirked as I nodded to him and walked towards the end of the practice range where Roadhog was located. I could feel Junkrat’s eyes stare down my back. Nodding to Roadhog, I made my way towards a lifting platform and stood on it as it lifted me to the second floor of the practice range. 

“Oi, you didn’t tell me Symm was going to be here?” I heard Junkrat say as he scurried up to Roadhog in a frantic. 

“Didn’t ask.” Frowning, Junkrat followed me to the second floor. I was busy placing my turrets on the building for practice before Junkrat intruded. 

“Symm, ah. Look,” Junkrat began as he scratched the back of his head with his metal arm. “I wanted to talk to ya beforehand-didn’t mean to dodge you. Really didn’t. Just hadn’t had time to, well, you know, approach ya.”

“…I suppose so.” I responded. He always wasn’t good with confrontation. His peg leg hit the surface of the building hard as he slowly approached me. 

“I didn’t mean to miss our tinkering time, ya know.” I stopped setting up my turrets. “I really wanted to come. Really was lookin’ forward to seein’ how you build your,” Junkrat gestured to my turrets loosely, “thingos.” I gingerly turned to face him as he looked down at the snow-still rubbing his neck. “Really wanted to go. Wanted to apologize for not tellin’ ya. Sorry to make you wait there all alone.” Junkrat’s gaze struck mine for a moment before turning away. 

“May I ask why?” I stated. He hesitated before speaking. 

“Just..lost track.” Junkrat grinned shyly. “My mind isn’t where it’s supposed to be, you know.” Junkrat giggled as his eyes searched mine for reassurance. His eyebrows scrunched together in a drastic change before collapsing onto the floor in a heap. He sat there as his eyes fixated on the metal flooring searching for something. Bending down softly, I gently placed my knees onto the floor of the building, careful not to get my dress dirty. 

“If you think I am mad at you because of your reason, you are certainly wrong.” I stated as Junkrat’s gaze whipped to mine. “I am frustrated that you did not inform me of your absence when I was expecting our meet up and yes I did have to wait.” Junkrat’s eyes sunk. “But that doesn’t mean I hate you for it.” I stated softly as it got Junkrat’s attention. “I hoped that I would see you in the incoming days but I did not. It wasn’t until today when I thought I should check the practice range.”

“Was worried you’d hate me.” Junkrat mumbled. He adverted his gaze once more before I did something drastic. I reached my hand out to his chin and cradled it. I would be lying if I said I didn’t flinch, but it felt right. Those amber eyes stared back at me with wonder. 

“I will never hate you, Junkrat. You’re a pleasure to be around. And,” I paused, “I hope that doesn’t change.” Junkrat slowly began to smile.

“You like spending time with me don’t you.” Junkrat grinned as red began to seep through my cheeks and I withdrew my hand from his face. “Couldn’t have enough of ‘ol Rat?” Junkrat smirked and I chuckled. It felt so foreign, but I did. Junkrat stared back at me with soft wonder as our eyes connected. It seemed that I was lost in his eyes and surprisingly they weren’t burning. 

It was a warm feeling. He leaned in closer to me and I welcomed it. 

That was the first time we kissed.

~

I saw him from time to time on missions, as we would pass by each other with a wave, or with him, a wink. It was soothing to know that he had my back and I had his. Outside of missions we would always have routine meet ups where we would teach each other mechanics of our work. His with his bombs and mine with hard light technology. It was fascinating to see him wonder at the light. 

“Oi, Symm how do you form your objects?” Junkrat wondered as I displayed my blueprints for a turret layout in front of me. The blue hard-light hologram reflected in his eyes as he leaned in close, afraid to touch the technology in fear. 

“You can touch it, you do not have to be afraid of it.” I reassured as his wide eyes met my own. He scowled in response.

“I’m not afraid of that.” Junkrat spat, crossing his hands over his chest, gesturing to the hard-light hologram in front of me. I gingerly placed my hand out to him. 

“May I see your hand?” I asked. Junkrat shifted his eyes around the workroom before huffing. 

“Don’t know why, but alright.’ Junkrat muttered before he reached to detach his mechanical arm. I immediately stopped him. 

“Junkrat, please, no. I do not need your mechanical hand-“

“Then why you say you did? Thought it was right strange of you to ask but I wasn’t goin’ to question you-“

“Place your hand in mine.” I reassured before he strapped his arm securely in its straps. Hesitantly he reached out, but before his hand met mine, he drew back.

“Oi, you said you don’t like the grime.” Junkrat stated as I swallowed dryly. 

“I do not, but seeing how important I need to show you this, I will wash off my hand in the later time.” I reassured him before he gingerly placed his mechanical hand in mine. Cupping his hand, I began to lure him towards the holographic. 

“Symm-what ya doin’.” Junkrat fearfully spoke as his hand neared the technology. 

“It is a simple holographic. Hard-light technology is harmless.” I began as I saw him squint in my peripheral vision as his mechanical hand collided with the hologram blueprint. Opening one eye, Junkrat peeked at the ‘damage’ he was expecting the hard-light to result in. He physically softened when the hologram began to burst in tiny light blue pixels when his hand collided with a blueprint image. It was the first time where I didn’t hear him ramble or speak. It was fascinating to see him marvel and learn from something so…opposite of him. I released my grasp from his hands as he turned his hand around in the hologram, observing the pixel snowflakes dancing around his mechanical hand. He giggled. 

“See? It is harmless.” I recited as I picked up a washrag next to my desk and began to wipe off the grim from my hands. He stood there as his smile widened. Soon enough, he had his entire arm up to his shoulder in the hologram as he proceeded to giggle. 

“Look, Symm!” Junkrat called as he waved his hand side-to-side, forming larger holographic pixels. 

“If you keep doing that, you wont be able to see the blueprints anymore.”

“Blueprints? This is way more interestin’ than blueprints!” Junkrat cackled as he brought his other hand to join in on the fun. Waving them back and forth, his laughter began to grow. I hesitantly looked towards the entrance, afraid of drawing the attention of Torbjorn who frequently visited the workroom. 

Junkrat’s laughter turned into a small cough and then to a large one as my head whipped over to him. My eyes furrowed in worry as Junkrat struggled to inhale a breath, withdrawing his hands from the hologram. 

“Junkrat, are you alright?” I called as I stood. He held out a hand to stop me from approaching him further. 

“I’m good-I’m good.” Junkrat rasped between coughs as he thumped his chest in response. My eyes searched him as my chest tightened. This was stranger even for him. The coughing eventually died down and before I could respond any further, Junkrat turned away from the hologram and returned to his work desk beside mine and I followed. Shuffling through his desk drawer, Junkrat came across his canteen and drew a large gulp from it, squinting as he drank. After drinking, he laid the empty canteen down at his table before he took a seat on his chair-out of breath. 

“Junkrat-“

“I’m alright now, ey?” Junkrat rasped before forcing a smile. I furrowed my brows. 

“Junkrat, you just-“

“Forgot to take a breath an’ needed some water. All good, see?” Junkrat grinned. I could tell that he was lying and it dug into my chest painfully. My eyes followed his gaze until they wandered. For the first time, I finally noticed the bags under his eyes and the slight paleness to his skin. He was forcing a smile. “Really enjoyed your show there, Symm.” Junkrat breathed harshly as he pointed at the holographic. I turned to follow his finger as I saw the holographic sit slightly in its place-waiting for it to be constructed on. I let out a small breath before turning to Junkrat who grinned in return. “Thank ya for showin’ me.” He stated before his brows furrowed. “Symm? Everything’s alright.” Junkrat pressed. He must have noticed my gaze. 

“Symmetra! Junkrat! Nice to see you here out and about!” A loud voice boomed from the entrance as I turned to face the figure. Torbjorn smiled widely back as he made his way towards the back of the room towards his workbench. I forced a grin and nodded to him in return. 

“Hello.”

“You and ‘rat should go ahead and make yer way towards the diner-foods ready to be eatin’. It’s Dumpling Night and you know how the big fella’s are. I would hurry if I were you.” Torbjorn chuckled and sat down on his bench, gathering metal parts to begin working on his turrets. I grinned in return. I turned towards Junkrat only to find him fiddling with his mechanical arm. 

“Junkrat?” I called as he looked up. 

“I’ll be good here. You should get some grub.”

“We’ve been here all day- you surly must be hungry.”

“I’ll have Roadie bring me some later,” Junkrat grinned, “New mission is comin’ up tomorrow. Want everythin’ to be correct and workin’ before we go and all that. Besides, I’m not that hungry. I can wait.” I stared at him for a lingering moment before walking over to my own desk. With the swipe of my hands, the blueprint concealed itself as it disappeared from view. I glanced over to Junkrat who then gave me a lopsided grin. I forced a grin in return. 

I look back on that day quite a few times. I remember looking at Torbjorn before leaving the workroom and it felt like he knew something that I didn’t. There was concern in his eyes and I was afraid he didn’t realize he was displaying that emotion to me. I remember looking back to Junkrat once more as he forced his concentration on his mechanical arm. It was strange- his arm didn’t seem to be needing any fixing. There was a moment of silence before his dry coughs echoed the workroom once again. 

I never saw him on the next mission like he said he would. Or the ones that followed. 

~

I never saw him in the workroom after that day. It was lonely working alone in the workroom even with Torbjorn chattering about and I occasionally found myself looking over to his station, hoping that he would be there. He never was. Not anymore. It wasn’t until a month after I showed him the blueprints that I finally decided to approach his room. It was oddly silent inside except for small noises of tinkering. I hesitated before softly knocking and I didn’t hear his voice. The door opened upwards as it released a sigh and I blinked in surprise-I hadn’t realized that he would open the door so soon, but he had. I saw him on his bed sitting crossed legged with metal parts laid out in front of him like he always had in the workroom. He looked up to me as he inhaled a sharp breath.

“You can come in if you want. I opened the door for ya.” Junkrat stated as I realized I was standing in the middle of the doorway. Gingerly, I took a step forward as the door closed behind me. Junkrat ‘s eyes widened at my presence and his upper lip twitched. He looked glad to see me. Then why had he been stowed away in his room all this time? 

“What are you working on?” I softly asked as I crossed my hands over the front of my body. My eyes wondered his room as I noticed the burnt smell that always seemed to linger throughout his quarters. Tools and metal parts littered the floor as I noticed a trap that laid open near the back of the room. Oh, I do hope he closes that.

“Bombs.” Junkrat stated. "Don't tell Mercy, will ya?" I blinked in response as my heart sunk.

“I want to apologize.” I began, “Showing you those blueprints was wrong and I hadn’t realized that you wouldn’t be interested in observing it. I should’ve-“

“Wait, hold on, Symm” Junkrat began, cutting my sentence off. “Ya think I’m mad at ya for showin’ me the blueprints of yours?”

“I haven’t spoken to you after that day. I have been trying to think of reasons as to why. If it offended you in any sort, I apologize-“

“Symm, I’m not mad at ya, honest.” Junkrat soothed as I looked up to meet his eyes. Breaking away from the contact, my hands began to sweat. 

“If that is true, I will let myself out. Thank you for providing me with a response to my concern.” I stated before turning towards the door. 

“Symm! Symm, wait.” Junkrat called as I heard shuffling from his quarters. I turned my head in alarm when I saw him rise from his position as he leaned foreword, placing his legs onto the metal ground. “Symm, please-I want-“ Junkrat began but immediately collapsed onto the floor in a heap after taking one step towards my direction. My heart raced as I hurried to him and bent down to his position. Lifting himself up, he hunched over his legs and cursed roughly. I extended my hands out to him in attempt to help him sit up straight, but he pushed my hand to the side roughly. “I don’t need help.” He said darkly as I recoiled my hand. He had a scowl on his face as his hands went to his peg leg. “Stupid piece of junk.” He cursed as he hastily disconnected his peg leg and threw it at the wall. It made a painful sound. He breathed harshly as he balled up his fists. 

“Junkrat, throwing it won’t help-“

“How do you know?” Junkrat shouted as I flinched. I was scared in that moment and at that time I think Junkrat was as well. He realized his emotion and quickly softened as he scowled at himself and began to pull on his receding hairline. His hair was patchy-more than usual. He let out a frustrated growl. 

“Junkrat, look at me.” I stated as Junkrat’s eyes squinted closed. “Junkrat, please look at me.” I soothed again before I noticed Junkrat open his eyes gingerly. His eyes connected with mine as he hesitantly lowered his hands from his hair. We held gazes for a moment and it was the first time I noticed how tired Junkrat seemed to be. The fire in his eyes had faded and it was only smoke now. “You have not been on missions. I have not seen you and I am worried,” I began, “As a….friend or as something more…I am asking for an answer.” I ended as Junkrat inhaled sharply. He stared at the ground and took a hesitant breath. He gingerly lowered his hands in front of him as his eyes rapidly searched the floor underneath him. My eyes followed his hands and it was then when I noticed that his flesh hand began to shake slightly.

I have always seen him shake before missions. The adrenaline that pulsed through his body was made apparent and everyone knew on the team that that meant he was going to cause trouble. That was always just him though. Nothing meant by it; however this was not the same. The hunger of excitement was lost and his hand seemed to shake just out of spite. It scared me and sent a chill down my spine. I softly breathed as I looked at the chipped paint Junrkat’s nails had. The black nail polish gleamed under the dim lights above on the ceiling as the color of his real nails protruded from the cracks of the polish.

They were a dark olive color. 

“I don’t want to leave you.” He whispered. 

“Who said anything about leaving?” I stated. Silence was shared between us before Junkrat turned his head towards mine. His eyes reminded me of the first time we kissed, but there was no warmth this time. 

“I...” Junkrat began before looking down at his hands. He seemed to notice his nails as he curled them, sinking the tips into the palm of his hand gently and softly. “I can’t ignore it any longer.” Junkrat ended. There was a long pause between us as Junkrat’s hand subconsciously wrapped itself around his waist. “Don’t wanna leave ya. Don’t wanna leave you or Roadie.” Junkrat’s eyes began watering. “I got to leave... I don’t wanna, but I got to.” Junkrat whispered as tears formed in my eyes. I held my gaze on his frame as I saw him scrunch his eyebrows and grit his teeth. I skipped a breath as the air between us seemed to thin. I looked down at my own hands as I cradled it with the other. Reaching out, I laid my hand gingerly on his knee. Junkrat glanced up at me and our gazes held for a moment. I wish I said something at that moment, but nothing seemed to come to my mind. My tears threatened to escape as I tried my hardest to control them. There wasn’t time for crying. Not now. Junkrat’s chest heaved in an uneven rhythm as his eyes searched mine for an unknown reason. 

Soon enough, coughs interrupted as Junkrat’s chest shook violently- I pulled away quickly. The coughs pierced my ears as they seemed to get louder as Junkrat fumbled his hands around the mess around him. His hands finally connected to an object underneath his bed as he quickly placed a breathing mask over his nose and mouth. Pressing down the mask harshly on his face, he gripped it with both hands as he concentrated on evening his breathing. His eyes avoided mine and unwillingly my eyes began to water. My hand floated in front of me, unsure of where to go as my body became paralyzed. Soon, his breathing evened and his chest sunk to an even rhythm. My eyes followed the breathing mask that connected to an oxygen tank under his bed. I recognized Mercy’s medical symbol on the tank. 

His eyes finally met with mine. 

The Outback was harsh towards the Junkers-everyone knew of this. I guess….I guess we didn’t want to dawn on it too much in fear of what the knowledge would do to us. 

We knew the moment he joined Overwatch. We knew the moment when Roadhog told us the history of Junkertown. We knew when Junkrat began to become distant. We knew when Junkrat began to cough and wheeze on missions.

We just didn’t want to accept it. 

Junkrat was dying and I couldn’t bare myself to accept it. 

~

The next few months no one saw Junkrat roaming around the halls of the Overwatch base anymore. He was in the medical bay and Mercy held a full time job taking care of him. Other agents such as Lucio, Tracer, and D.va visited him more often than the others and I visited him everyday, more than Mercy would have liked, but I’m sure she didn’t mind. She always welcomed me with a smile and Junkrat did too through all the tubes and wires connected to his thin frame. Weeks after weeks, his smile began to fade along with mine. We both knew what was coming. 

We both talked about it. 

We just couldn’t make ourselves come to that conclusion. 

~

On December 15th at 3am, I snuck into the medical bay and towards the bed where he laid. He welcomed me with a weak smile as I gently slid myself next to him. 

“You’re not supposed to be here.” Junkrat rasped. 

“I don’t care.” I stated as I rested my head against his thin frame. A tear fell out of my eye unwillingly as we sat in silence like we have done so many times before, only this time it was different. 

“You’re going to make my heart speed up. Mercy will come callin’ and she’ll find ya.” Junkrat weakly grinned.

“Would you like me to leave then?” I pressed. Junkrat avoided my gaze and I felt his grip on me tighten. My eyes hazily focused on a bench in front of his bed that laid his prosthetics out. After all this time, he still hasn’t cleaned them.

“Hey, Sat?” Junkrat questioned before I shifted my gaze back up to him. “Why…why d’ja join Overwatch?” I parted my lips slightly at the question as I rested my head back onto his side. I took a soft breath before answering.

“Vishkar transferred me to Overwatch. I did not choose to come here willingly.” I stated as Junkrat’s chest froze. “But I did choose to stay.” I ended as I looked back up to Junkrat who stared at the ceiling above him with searching eyes. Sometimes I still wish I could have learned what he was thinking at that time. He took a moment to think before opening his mouth to speak, only closing it immediately afterwards. He thought again. Then he spoke. 

“Me ‘an Roadie-we’ve been everywhere. Best thing that could’ve happened to us. Queen kicked us out. We didn’t know what to do at first, usually when she kicks ya out, you don’t survive much longer.” Junkrat eyes began to water and it seemed like he didn’t notice. “Roadie found a ship for us to stow-away and we left Oz.” Junkrat took a shallow breath. “Don’t remember much-Roadie helps me out on those things. But I remember ol’ monkey coming down from a ship and takin’ us in. Don’t know why. Don’t know how, but it happened.” Junkrat stated before I started noticing his left hand shake. “I don’t remember much-never had. It’s hard sometimes. Memories are suppose to be important, ya? Roadie-Roadie always helped-he always has.” Junkrat rambled. I gently grasped his shaking hand and his hand seemed to stop, but only for a moment as he took a deep breath. I squeezed my hand gently to know I was listening as I buried my body closer to his in a comforting way. The stump of his right hand slowly wrapped itself around my frame as my hair held onto it in return. “I forget names. Names are the hardest,” Junkrat began, “but I’ve never seemed to forget yours.” He breathed as tears began to rim my eyes. “You and Roadie. Those are the names that I remember. I don’t know if that’s suppose ta mean somethin’, but…” I held tightly against him. “Roadie says that my name is too proper for me-my real one that is. Don’t know much about it though. Never could.”

“Junkrat.” I whispered as my grip tightened. My hands tightened over the blankets. I felt his heart beat against mine and I heard the loud wind and rain that threatened the medical bay walls. “Jamison. Your real name’s Jamison.” I whispered. Junkrat didn’t respond and some part of me didn’t want to look at his face. I don’t know why. Sometimes I wish I still had. “Jamison Fawkes.” I whispered softly as I held tightly against his chest. Junkrat’s hand softly glided over to my own as he gently squeezed.

“Satya.” Junkrat whispered softly. “Satya.” Junkrat whispered again as his voice began to waver. I closed my eyes as a warm drop fell onto my cheek and I noticed that it wasn’t mine. 

We sat there in that position for some time. I couldn’t tell anyone how much we spent listening to each other’s breath, but it was surprising to hear silence and not Junkrat’s booming voice. I pressed my nose into his side as I closed my eyes. I took a gentle breath and a mixture of smoke and pungent vinegar filled my lungs. The tear that fell onto my cheek began to roll down my face as it slowly zigzagged around the pours of my skin. Soon, in a reasonable amount of time, my own tear met up with it. It met and glided smoothly down the rest of my face until it hung off the edge of my chin. 

Junkrat’s grip tightened against my shoulder and it was comforting. I’d never thought in a million years that I would be in the position as I was then. A lot can change when you decide to get to know someone else..... I often reflect back on his eyes when times get especially difficult for me. The fire in his iris’s comfort me in a way that noting else had. I wish he could’ve seen his own so that it could’ve brought a new comfort to himself. I wish a lot of things, but wishing for comfort is the only thing I could’ve thought at that moment. We all need it whether we choose to believe it or not. 

I did not open my eyes. I remember keeping them closed as I softly breathed as we held onto one another. It was comforting. Even more than that. I opened my eyes slightly as I stared blankly at his prosthetics from my position. For some reason, his prosthetics seemed to blur together along with the table underneath it. I stared at the objects for some time before realizing that he had fallen asleep. 

A soft thunder of a sound echoed from the entrance of the room as I gingerly rose from my position and looked over. I wasn’t expecting Roadhog to be standing in the entrance. I wasn’t expecting anyone to enter in his room-especially at this time. I remember looking into the vacant lenses of his mask as he stood there-silently. My eyes gingerly made their way down to his hands, which held a small book. Even now, I would not have been able to recall the name of it, but it was brown and worn. 

“…He’s asleep.” I rasped, unknowing how ruff my voice sounded. Roadhog’s head looked over to Junkrat’s sleeping form before looking at me once again. He took a moment before he spoke. 

“Thought so.” Roadhog rumbled before looking at his book that laid in his hand. He took a moment before turning around to exit the room. 

“Roadhog.” I stopped him. He turned slowly back around. “You can stay.” I rasped again. Silence lingered for a moment as he looked at both Junkrat and I. 

“No need.” Roadhog began as he placed his book on a small waiting chair near the entrance. “He’s got enough company.” Roadhog drew out. “Read to him.”

“I don’t have to, you can stay-“

“Not my job anymore.” Roadhog ended before my eyes looked into his mask’s lens. And for a moment, I swore that I saw a glimpse of his eyes. My chest sunk as Roadhog took a moment to stare before disappearing from view. After that moment, I felt nothing and It felt like I was suspended in the air. I looked over to Junkrat as my eyes rested on his sleeping form.

At that moment, I found myself reflecting back onto the beach where I saw him in a similar position such as this. The team had taken a day off to travel down to the beach near the Gibraltar base and I had taken position on the sand under a hard-light umbrella that I had constructed. I observed my team members in the water as I sat a safe distance away from the water. Hugging my legs close to my body, I closed my eyes and breathed in the sent of the waves as the wind blew my hair and my sunhat that laid atop my head. I looked to the side of me and grinned when I saw him. Laying on his back on a blanket, Junkrat shielded his mechanical arm over his eyes to keep the sun’s rays out of his face as he attempted to nap. I knew he was faking. The grin that slowly grew out from under his arm pierced my vision. I giggled and he teased. 

I wish I could go back to that. But all I could think about then in that medical bay was when I would get to see that same grin again. I rested my hand against his chest and I could feel his breath. Never in that moment did I feel so lost. I grew up knowing order and I was told from a young age that my life would be planned out the moment Vishkar took me in. I never experienced loss or love like this before. 

I didn’t want him to leave and it was foolish of me to think that he would stay.  
And in that moment I cried like never before. 

My chest sunk deep and I cradled myself with my own arms. I closed my eyes as I gingerly attempted to make myself as small as possible. My face curled up and my body began to shake as I forced down a sob. I silently cried and exhaled all the bottled up emotions that my body was withholding from me.

~

3 weeks later he was gone. 

I stood in the doorway of the medical bay as Mercy silently made the sheets to Junkrat’s old bed. Her head looked up to mine when she noticed me standing in the doorway. 

“Satya.” Mercy greeted with a grim smile. I nodded in return. Mercy stared back at me before crossing her hands over her before taking a hesitating breath. “You should get some rest.” Mercy soothed and for some reason my feet would not leave the position they were in. My eyes never wanted to leave the bed in front of me where we spent so many times together in. I almost didn’t notice Mercy approach me before she laid a gentle hand on my shoulder. I flinched from the touch as my eyes quickly went to hers. I was expecting her to respond but she just looked at me. I could see tears forming in her eyes as the water rimmed the edges. The winter rain had stopped from outside and there was no sound to interrupt the medical bay. The hum of the lights filled its place. 

Gingerly, Mercy reached out to grasp both my hands, cupping them in a gentle manner. She stared at me with a gentle gaze like never before. I knew there was no encouragement behind those eyes like I’ve seen from the battlefield. I only saw desperation with a hint of fear. Tears formed from my eyes in result of it. 

“I did all that I could-I wanted you to know that.” Silence lingered between us. “I tried so hard,” Mercy breathed again, “ I want you to know that I tried with the best of my abilities to save him-I just wanted to save him-I’m sorry that I couldn’t-Satya-I’m sorry that I couldn’t.” Mercy stated before tears began to poor out of her. She choked on sobs as I laid a hand on her shoulder. She caved into me as I let her curl up into my chest.

She was hurting. I hadn’t realized how much loosing him could affect others.  
I was foolish to think I would be the only one to suffer. 

Mercy let out a muffled cry before sinking down onto the metal floor as I glided her down softly. Tears and soft cries echoed off the walls in place of the winds from outside. The storm had taken its place inside and I could feel the damaging effects of it. Only I wasn’t crying in result of it. 

I couldn’t bare myself to cry any longer. Maybe it’s because I still think that he’s here. It’s silly of me to think of such a thing, but whenever I smell smoke from the kitchen or oil from the workroom, I still feel like he is present. 

I follow that smell sometimes and imagine that those warm eyes are just around the corner, ready to spring about and tell me something extraordinary over the simplest discovery. I follow that imagery and when I turn the corner I see him smiling softly back. His eyes perk up in excitement as his warm eyes burn with a new sort of wonder to them. 

The imagery ends there. 

I can’t make myself continue. At least not at the moment. 

Maybe in the future there will be a possibility where I can imagine him again and even have impossible conversations with him…. 

But as for now…….reflecting back on the memories we shared together is all that I can ask of right now. 

It’s comforting. 

It always will be.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you guys so much for reading! This is my first piece of work and I'm really happy I was able to finish it! If you'd like, please leave comments below and stay tuned for more works in the future from me! :)
> 
> -Doodlewritings


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